butterflys_fics (butterflys_fics) wrote,

Vincent/Yuffie Songfic

Title: I Couldn't Talk About It
Characters: Vincent Valentine and Yuffie Kisaragi
Category: Songfic
Rating: Heavy R
Author's Notes: Written for ficalbum

All your twisted thoughts free flow
To everlasting memories
Show soul
Kiss the stars with me
And dread the wait for
Stupid calls returning to us to life
We say to those who are in love
It can't be true 'cause we're too young
I know that's true because so long I was
So in love with you
So I thought

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it

Sometimes so many things can happen in the course of one year that you forget the good things that have happened in your life up until that point. The pain that filters in can be too much for your heart and head to comprehend so you push it away and pretend it never existed. The pain was just your imagination and now your brain is setting you straight: its not real, it was never real.

A year has gone by and I still feel cold. A year of trying to forget my past, of crying myself to sleep at night, of trying my hardest to make this world a better place for me when it now just seems cold and lonely. Without your hands on mine, without the warmth of your touch the world has become eternally night and the world has become the enemy to my common sense. I watch all the happy people walking down the streets, smiling as they hold hands with the ones they love and I hate them. The feeling is very real, a cold fist to my stomach. It makes me sick, makes my vision blur. Its like I am another person entirely when I am out there in that world. It almost like I am the person you never wanted me to be; the cold distant person you were afraid I would become merely by being by your side.

They all want me to tell them why I've changed so much in the last year, but what do they want me to tell them? I can't even really begin to explain it to myself. Something very real inside of me feels like its died off and I don't think I am ever going to be able to get it back. If I'm lucky than maybe I will, but luck hasn't been my friend in the past. Luck has been this fickle mistress that seems to bite me in the ass as soon as I think it has come to make peace for all of the times it has abandoned me. Fate has become my torment, nothing turns out the way I want it to. Hell, screw it not turning out the way I want it to, it doesn't even turn out the way I need it to in order to feel strong and alive.

They all ask me what has changed. What happened to the happy girl they used to know? I cant answer them, I don’t even know the answer myself. I am just broke down. I give them one of my forced smiles, tell them everything is fine, pretend for a little while that I believe my own lies.

On my knees
Dim lighted room
Thoughts free flow try to consume myself in this
I'm not faithless
Just paranoid of getting lost or that I might lose
Ignorance is bliss cherish it
Pretty neighborhoods you learn to much to hold
Believe it not
And fight the tears
With pretty smiles and lies about the times

A year goes by
And I can't talk about it
The times weren't right
And I couldn't talk about it

I don’t know why you came back. I didn’t expect it at all, coming down into the kitchen in the morning. There you sat, the dark presence that haunted my entire being. There you sat, as beautiful as the last time I saw you. I wanted to run away from you, hide beneath my covers and pretend I never saw you. A year gone by and you floated right back into my life like you never left it. How could you be so cruel? How could you treat my heart so coldly? How could you sit there looking at me with your beautiful eyes so empty?

My throat felt like it was closing, my chest felt like it was caving in. I wouldn’t cry, I refused to cry, but I wanted to cry so badly watching you sit there. I was trying so hard to stop the tears from falling that it felt like I was being torn apart.

“Get out,” I whispered to you, my voice cracking. “Get out.”

You rose in one graceful motion. I never understood how you could move so effortlessly when my own steps were clumsy and sloppy. “Yuffie-”

“Get out!” I was shrieking now. “Get out! Get out!”

I started throwing things at you, what ever I could get my hands on. Cups, a notebook, pieces of food that had been left on the counter, all of them became my ammunition as I tried to get you to leave. “I want you out of here now!”

You dodged your way through the flying objects, pulled me against you once you were close enough. I beat on your chest, smacked at you. “I hate you!” I cried. “Get out of here! I hate you!”

“Yuffie.” That one word was so full of sadness the tears came down harder.

“You left me,” I cried, holding onto you. “You left me all alone.”

Later that night I let you take me by the moonlight. I arched my body into yours, breathed out your name, felt your fingers trace the parts of me that no one besides you ever knew so well. I savored the feeling of your breath warm on my skin, our bodies slick with sweat, your name a sweet sound on my tongue.

Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last, between

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream
So we can talk about it

Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last between
Romance says goodnight
Close your eyes and I'll close mine
Remember you, remember me
Hurt the first, the last healing

The bed felt cold and empty when I woke. The sun shone down through the open curtains but there was no sign of you except your scent lingering on my pillow. I held it close, cried into it, my entire body shaking with tears and anger and hurt at how you could leave me again.

“This can never work,” you told me once. It seemed like forever ago. “I cannot be the one you need. You must find someone else.”

I didn’t want someone else, I wanted you. I wanted your hidden smiles, your casual stares, your dark past. I wanted your voice, your touch. I wanted those parts of you that you only let show when were alone, the parts you thought forgotten and dead. I wanted to be with you. I wanted your darkness and your light.

“I love you,” you told me. “But love, Yuffie, is not enough. Love will not protect you from who I am.”

I didn’t care. I didn’t want protection, I didn’t want absolutes, I wanted you and your presence in my life.

They asked me what happened, why I wouldn’t leave my room. I couldn’t tell them I was clinging on to the presence of you. How could they understand what you had done to my heart?

And I'm praying that we will see
Something there in between
Then and there that exceeds all we can dream

And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between
And all these twisted thoughts I see
Jesus there in between

I didn’t expect to ever see you again. I thought this was done, but I thought wrong I assume. You had a habit of appearing at the strangest times.

I didn’t think you’d recognize me. My hair had grown out and I wasn’t that hyper girl who followed you around, clung to your every word as though it were gospel.

You hadn’t changed at all. How could you? What you were made you the man I loved.

I didn’t hear you come up behind me, didn’t hear your steps, only felt you embrace me, bury your face into my hair. I recognized you, your touch, your smell, your breath, all of it without looking at your face. “Yuffie.” That one word! How could you always manage to weaken me just by saying my name?

I tensed at your touch, pulled against it, but you pulled me back against you, held me close there. “Don’t,” you said. “Stay,” you said.

“And watch you go?” was all I could ask. The tears would not fall this time. It was our pattern, you and I. I stayed and you left and we repeated it all over again.

“No,” you told me. “This is forever,” you said.

“I thought you didn’t believe in forever.”

“I do now.”

I relaxed in your arms, turned around to face you. You were still so beautiful. I traced your face to see if I still remembered the paths of those lines. They hadn’t changed, my fingers still knew them well.

I threw my arms around your neck, cried into your chest. “Promise me you’ll stay. Promise me you won’t leave again.”

You wrapped your arms around me, buried your face in my hair. “I promise. I promise I won’t leave you again.” You held me tightly. “I love you Yuffie.”

I wanted those words captured in a jar. I wanted to keep them forever. I began to cry harder, holding on to you tighter. “I love you too Vincent,” I whispered. “I love you too.”
Tags: ffvii, ficalbum, final fantasy 7, vincent/yuffie
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