Author: blacksouledbutterfly (me)
Summary: I always knew you would be the one to make me cry....
15- Narcissa and Hermione
My son seems so sad lately.
I never could stand seeing him sad.
It must be the mother in me that makes me feel like that. It must be the fact that he is my son and I love him that makes me hate to see him sad.
He doesn’t want to marry Pansy.
This much I know.
Still it is what is best.
He must marry a pureblood. And why not Pansy?
He has known her his entire life. She is the one person who can stand his ups and downs.
His mood swings.
But still he seems unhappy.
When he was dating the muggle he was happy. He told me so and I kept my promise to him.
I never told his father he was seeing a muggle.
Or that he thought he loved a muggle at that.
His father would have killed him and Draco knew that.
Still I wish he could be happy with Pansy.
Hell, I don’t care if he marries a pureblood. It was always Lucius that cared.
It he’s happy with a muggle, then I am happy.
That’s all a mother wants after all, right? To see her child happy.
And he was happy with her.
He tells me though that he the least he can do after killing his father is honoring what he thought was best.
And maybe that would be true if only…..
No, I wont go there. I wont let him know that his father isn’t dead. I cant.
I want what’s best for him.
And him knowing isn’t what’s best.
Maybe one day I’ll tell him.
But not now.
The wind blew strongly last night and it was almost like there was a voice in the wind that made my spine crawl and my flesh became covered in goose bumps.
There was a slight edge to me last night. I was off of work and for once I got to spend time with Danica. It was something I favored. I never get a chance to spend much time with her and I savor it.
She is so innocent and it kills me to see her sad.
She would never admit that she was sad. She knows that her being sad makes me sad. Somehow in her two-year-old mind she knows that she means more to me than anything in the entire world. She knows that her being sad to me is like a knife in the heart and every time I see her eyes so full of hurt I feel like the most selfish person in the world.
Still today though her eyes held sadness she smiled up at me and said, “Mummy, play wit me.”
And I sat on the floor with her and her coloring books and crayons and filled in the pictures while she colored outside the lines as though they weren’t even there.
I could almost feel your spirit in the room. Like your cold eyes were watching me.
Okay, so it’s not really fair to call your eyes cold. True you were normally very cold, and your eyes did have a certain iciness to it, you weren’t always cold.
At times you could be nice and I loved that about you.
But I would never let them know that you were sweet.
I swore that to you once. I swore that I would never tell anyone about your kind side or how sometimes I felt like maybe, just maybe on the nights when you held me pressed up against you that you may have actually loved me or cared about me.
But I am sure that I was a fool them. A child looking for someone to love in the world and to be loved by and I was taken in by your sweet words and your warm kisses. By your gentle hands and your soft smiles.
Danica had grabbed my hand and smiled at me and said to me, “Mummy, miss Lilli.” And my soul died.
But then she smiled and said. “But, Mummy, I luv you.”
And though her words were meant to be comforting and her words were strange coming out in the jumbled way that two year olds speak, they made my heart fall even farther because I knew that deep down she was acing for her friend and that she was only telling me things to make me feel better.
Maybe I shouldn’t have left the wizarding world. Maybe I shouldn’t have been afraid to see you, to feel you, to touch you again. Maybe I was a fool and I was too selfish and I didn’t think about Danica when I took her from everything she ever knew and pulled her into the world I grew up in and she had no idea how to live in but maybe, just maybe I did the right thing, and maybe one day she will realize that I did what I did because I loved her.
Maybe now that you are going to marry Pansy I can return to the wizarding world and live with Danica there and we can see our friends and we can be back to the world that she knows.
After all I know that you wont put your marriage to Pansy in danger so you can make my life miserable.
Or maybe, just maybe I should keep her here in this world. Maybe I should raise her here as a muggle and never let her go to Hogwarts because I know if I had never gone to Hogwarts that I never would have met you and my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it did.
I wouldn’t have had to run from my friends. I wouldn’t have had to go and become something I hated to get rid of my need for you because in the end, it was Hogwarts that brought us together.
And in the end it was Hogwarts that ruined me.