Author: blacksouledbutterfly (me)
Summary: I always knew you would be the one to make me cry....
The sound of quills scratching against parchment paper was loud. Too loud; like rockets going off next to my ears.
I looked at you, you know?
I looked at you all the time.
Back then I convinced myself I looked at you because you annoyed me and you were the enemy and it was smart to get to know the enemy. How they acted; how they breathed; the curves of their chins.
Still, I was only fooling myself.
I did that often.
Harry would always ask me why I would look at you and I would make up some pathetic excuse which he seemed to accept.
Or maybe he accepted it because he didn't want to get into an argument with me.
Either way he was silent; like I was.
But I couldn't stay silent long. Couldn't hide from you like a scared child; a lonely animal; a unicorn among humans.
I gave into you. Gave you my everything; my heart; my soul; my blood; my smiles; my tears; my laughter; my innocence.
If only you knew how you would change me.
I remember as a child I read 'The Taming Of The Shrew'.
You probably wouldn't know a muggle play, but I felt for Katharina. Petruchio wanted to change her; mold her like clay into the perfect girl; the perfect wife.
You changed me; contorted me like heated candle wax; fresh clay; bread dough.
You broke me. Made me into someone I wasn't. Turned me into another one of those girls who would fall at your feet, like Pansy and her arrogant smile and stray colored hair.
I often wondered if I was just trying to love you so I wouldn't feel alone.
I mean, how could someone as pure as me turn out to love someone as cold; heartless; dark; evil as you.
Sunshine and darkness; a flame in the breeze. Like Sampson and Delilah, we weren't meant to care for one another; one of us would end up hurt and it was me.
But I put up with feeling like I was nothing and I was useless and a waste of space for a long time; crying secretly; forcing on a smile; lying to my friends about us; avoiding eye contact in the halls so that your friends wouldn't know you were doing a 'mudblood'.
But I still see you in my own house.
As I push touch our daughter's baby fine blond hair and look at her darling two-year old face sleep I see you.
A more innocent you.
But I swear, she'll never be like you.
She'll never know you or your ways.
I kiss her forehead and watch her sleep for a few more seconds before walking out the door, whispering, "I love you Danica," and praying you'll never find out about her.