Author: blacksouledbutterfly (me)
Summary: I always knew you would be the one to make me cry....
14- Ginny and Pansy
* Ginny's perspective*
Things seem so quiet.
I can’t remember a time since I started at Hogwarts that Hermione wasn’t just an owl away.
As I sit in my chair and watch Lillianna I wish I could make her happy.
She misses Danica greatly.
And I miss Hermione.
She has been my best friend for years.
I remember when I was in fifth year, and she was in sixth I told her I still fancied Harry and she would sit up with me at night and listen to me talk about my family and Harry and how Mom was still upset that Percy was being such a prat and it made me feel like I had the sister I always wanted.
Harry and Ron are worried about Hermione. I can see it in their eyes and in their posture. In the way they move and the way they talk.
I wonder where she is and what she’s doing.
And I don’t mean where she is physically but where she is in her head because when she left she seemed too distant.
She had a far-off look in her eyes that made her seem like a completely different person.
A person I didn’t recognize and deep down in the pit of my stomach, she was one that I didn’t like.
Now, since Hermione wont even right back when we send her letters I feel like I have lost the sister I never had and always wanted and a part of me seems like its missing.
Not to say I don’t have other friends. I do
One such friend is my friend Kikyou.
I met her when Harry made me go to a muggle birthing class, having found out that I was pregnant with Lillianna.
Kikyou is a beautiful girl with long black hair and blue eyes.
Fred himself said that she was beautiful.
That earned a slap from his girlfriend Miranda.
But still, even though I have Kikyou around, who, by the way is also a witch, it seems like I have no one left anymore.
And as I sit watching Lillianna looking at the door I know she’s wondering why Danica hasn’t been around lately.
And a part of me breaks away and dies and rots away because I cant take away my daughter’s pain.
He seems distant lately.
Mother was so excited when I told her that Draco and I were to marry and so was I.
But now I’m not so sure.
He seems far too distant lately.
I wonder if he is thinking of the wedding or something else.
Maybe I am just being stupid and self-conscious.
Draco is marrying me. Not someone else and it is foolish of me to believe that he would betray me.
Sex is one thing. That I know.
We have already agreed that sex is one thing. We can have our little things on the side and it will mean nothing to our marriage. But love- love is another thing. Something that I will not allow him to have for anyone.
Anyone but me.
Mother once told me I was selfish as a child and I believe her.
She has no reason to lie and I am not ashamed to be selfish.
I know what I want and I go after it and if that makes me selfish, or a bitch like that mudblood Granger used to call me then fine.
I am selfish and a bitch.
And I am damn proud of it.
Granger was always jealous me.
Jealous of my pureblood.
Jealous of the fact that I had Draco’s attention, something every girl in the school craved.
She was jealous of the fact that I have money and I would always live in the lap of luxury where as when she returned to the muggle world she would be as poor as Weasley and his pathetic family.
She was pathetic.
So many times I wanted to kill her but for some reason Draco stopped me.
I never understood it but he told me it was for the best and that he was using Granger to help the Dark Lord and to kill her would put a damper on his plans.
Unfortunately in the end the Dark Lord lost.
Still, when I look at him, and he seems distant I can’t help but wonder: what is he thinking?a