“You have to make a decision, you know. You can’t have both.”
Rachel just looked at her best friend and sighed as she sat there, her lips pursed, her arms folded across her chest. In the months since she had moved to New York life with Finn wasn’t what she thought it would be and she had started to get closer to Noah who had, surprisingly, showed up there as well. And even more surprising she had started to develop feelings for him. it was strange to think she was feeling something other than friendship for him when she thought she’d spend her whole life with Finn.
“It’s not fair to keep them both in suspension because you can’t decide who you feel more strongly about. You have to make a choice.”
“I know.” The problem was she wasn’t sure what she was going to decide.
She had gotten into another big fight with Finn over something stupid. Living together in Manhattan wasn’t working out the way she thought it would and every day seemed to be making things harder and harder when it came to their relationship.
She had only intended to go out for a walk but somehow she had found herself at Noah’s place. He hadn’t even asked her why she was there, he just let her in. and he didn’t ask her what happened which she appreciated. Instead he just sat down on the couch with her and let her curl up against his side, wrapped his arm around her; he let her climb into his lap and cuddle against his chest searching for comfort and he gave it to her in the form of his arms wrapped tightly around her.
It when raining when Noah showed up at the apartment. Finn was over at Kurt’s place and she was home alone when she heard the knock at her door and when she opened it he was standing there soaking wet, his clothes sticking to him like a second skin.
She opened her mouth to ask him what he was doing there but the words never left her mouth because he was kissing her in a way that took her breath away. He kissed her and backed her into the apartment, closed the door behind him, his body pressed so close to hers that her clothes were soaked clean through.
“Let me love you,” he whispered against her mouth. And somehow she knew she’d let him.
The first time she woke up with Noah in her bed it was sort of like this dream where everything is hazy but somehow clear. She rolled over and found him lying there with his head resting against the pillow like he had always been there just waiting for her to notice him.
He was still asleep so she just snuggled closer to him, a smile curving up the corners of her mouth, a smile that probably made her look ridiculous but she couldn’t help but smile. She laid her head against his head and listened to the sound of his heard beating steadily in his chest. And she didn’t even realize as she fell back to sleep that it was the sound that was lulling her into it like a lullaby.
“We have to tell them eventually.”
Four months after she and Noah had gotten together and she hadn’t told her fathers yet or let him tell his mother. She was just nervous to let her fathers know that after everything with Finn in senior year she had decided on Noah instead. But Noah was standing there looking at her with that puppy dog look he only got when he really wanted her to agree to something and she couldn’t stop herself. She sighed and shook her head like she couldn’t believe what she was about to say.
“Alright,” she agreed. “We’ll tell them when we go home for the holidays.”
The kiss he laid on her made it worth it though.
She knew something was up the second she walked into the apartment because Noah was nowhere to be seen and he was always there when she got home. But it wasn’t until she got into the bedroom and he grabbed her from behind, the two of them falling into the bed, his arms so tight around her she thought he might squish her, his mouth against his so firmly it felt like she couldn’t breathe that she really knew something was going on.
But, she forgave him for the near suffocation and heart attack when he asked her to marry him. And yes, maybe Jesse wouldn’t agree that was the epic romance that he had said she deserved but from Noah? Wanting to marry her was romantic in and of itself.
Babysitting the neighbor’s kid was never a difficult task but she should have known that leaving Noah in charge would backfire on her.
She didn’t realize her mistake until she came home and the two of them froze to look at her, her “badass” fiancé and the little boy from next door covered in paint, green and blue and yellow, the colors all over the table and the floor like they had some sort of a fight with it.
She wanted to be mad. She really did but they were both looking at her like they just got caught with their hands in the cookie jar and she couldn’t be mad. All she could do was laugh and lean against the door.
She was pretty sure Noah decided she was insane in that moment.
So, maybe this wasn’t the first time that Rachel had worn a wedding dress but the other wedding never happened so it was different. This time the wedding was actually going to happen. She knew that without a doubt.
The white dress felt just as odd the second time as it did the first time since the white dress was supposed to symbolize virginity which she had lost a while before. But all of that awkwardness went right out the window the second she saw Noah standing there waiting for her. He looked at her and smiled and she knew without a doubt she wouldn’t ever regret that dress or getting married to him. Not in a million years.
Rachel hated feeling weak but in that moment she couldn’t feel anything but weak no matter how hard she tried. It was hard not to feel weak when you’re crying in pain and you’re clutching your husband’s hand so hard you feel like you might break it. It was hard to stay strong when you felt like you were being ripped in two.
In the end it was all worth it though. The moment they laid that tiny little girl in the pink blanket in her arms the pain was completely and totally worth it. It would always be worth it. Because if she had to go through some pain to get that little girl in her arms? She would definitely be able to live with that.