Theme + Number: 38) Disaster, 57) Saying Goodbye, 60) Depsression & 74) Learning
Characters Included: Rinoa, Seifer, Seifer/Rinoa
Rating: T (to be safe)
Summary: He thinks I’m crazy...
He thinks I’m crazy when I tell him I’m a disaster. He reminds me time and time again that he is the disaster and I am the one who seems to be the only one that holds him together in tough times. He reminds me that he was the one who did horrible things, he is the reason that I almost died.
He isn’t the kind of guy to show his feelings easily. He doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve, and he never will, but there are times when we sit there in the quiet, dark of his room, learning to take the silence as a healing. He is healing from what he did, and the hatred he feels for himself, and I am healing from not being able to stop him from doing those horrible things. We are a support system for each other, a way to heal. Maybe the way we heal isn’t the best way, but it works for us, works with out life.
We are trying desperately trying to say goodbye to who we were, accept who we’ve become. We know nothing will ever be the same, know we have changed both for the best and the worst. He has come to know he is weak, and hates himself for it. I have come to know I can’t save everyone, can’t always protect the people I care about the most. We both hate our revelations, we both know they are supposed to make us stronger and sometimes make us weaker. We wonder sometimes, how we are going to live with what we now know.
He asks me, more often than I would expect him to, to stay with him throughout the night. He hates me leaving him there with his misery, with his fears. He never lets anyone else know he feels that way- not even his closest friends- but hatred and betrayal, and love can tie people together in ways that you could never imagine, so I stay with him, let him rest his head against my shoulder, stroke back his light hair. There are times when he cries, so quietly he thinks I don’t know he’s doing so, but I never sleep when I stay there at night, and I can feel the little droplet of tears falling against my shirt.
I will never tell him I know he’s crying. He has lost so many things.
I will let him keep his pride.